During the majority of wedding planning I felt alone. Not even alone but ALONE.
It had a lot to do with being thousands of miles away from my fiance as well as being busy with work, exercise, life, and wedding planning. I saw my friends but not often enough to get the help and advice I needed. I carpooled with a good friend for a long time and that helped me talk through wedding decisions but when our schedules changed and we parted ways I was lost in the process and felt very, very alone.
The problem with feeling alone in making decisions for the wedding, for me at least, was that I felt pressured. I felt a lot of pressure to make the right decisions for myself, for my future husband, for our guests, for our families. The pressure probably was all self-imposed and heightened by reading too many wedding blogs showcasing “perfect” weddings, but it was real enough. All the pressure of being in charge and making the right decision eventually led me to a bridal meltdown a few weeks before the wedding.
I had promised myself early on that I wouldn’t be a bridezilla nor would I be one of those girls who breaks down and has “moments” because of wedding planning. Well, I managed the first but failed the second task. I definitely had a few moments and meltdowns all of which came because I felt alone and overwhelmed.
After I suffered through this I did eventually reach out for help and came out the other side happy with wedding planning and the wedding itself. Friends rallied and helped, mother and fiance comforted, and all was well in the world once I did what I should have done earlier in the process.
So what did I do when I felt alone? What should other brides do if they start to feel the same way? Here’s what I should have done BEFORE the meltdown instead of AFTER:
- Step back. Do something else other than wedding tasks. I know it feels like there won’t be time and you need to get everything done right now, but taking a break will help. Take a break and do something with someone else. Take you mom to get a coffee or treat a friend to dinner. Don’t discuss the wedding and just take a break from it!
- Ask friends for help. All my friends were busy with jobs, kids, and life so I didn’t want to bother asking them to help me with wedding tasks. this left me with too much on my plate and eventually led to my burnout. Don’t put everything on yourself. Ask friends to help! Once I asked my friends were more than willing to help with DIY projects and run errands for me. You can even make it fun by having a wedding task party where you tackle some projects together over food and drinks.
- Talk to your fiance. My overwhelemed feelings and burnout meltdown came during a period of our engagement when I was getting to talk to my fiance for 10 minutes maybe every other day. Our schedules were absolute mismatched living on opposite sides of the planet and the result led me down a sad path. A lot of other brides I’ve talk to simple didn’t talk to their grooms about wedding planning because they felt it would bother/bug/annoy/bore them. But I think talking to your fiance about this part of your life instead of taking it all on yourself is vital! After a few crying sessions on the phone with my fiance I felt better, more centered, more calm and ready to attack wedding planning again.
- Let people help. Chances are you will have more people around that want to help than you know what to do with. Once you make it clear that you are willing to accept help you will find even more. Let them help you and take some of the burden off you. Allow others around you, whether your mom or siblings or friends or fiance, to handle some of the wedding tasks you are dreading or don’t have time for.
- Have fun. I stopped having fun at one point in the process and that is a big reason why things went south for me. Before and after that period I kept things light and fun and actually enjoyed the majority of the wedding planning I did.
Once I started doing those things I felt right again and enjoyed the last few weeks before the wedding. It sucks to feel alone during wedding planning but I think the key is to remember that you aren’t actually alone and people WILL HELP YOU if you ask and then let them. And since I’ve been there, if anyone ever finds herself stuff in the same situation just send me an email!